By Geno McGahee
I love horror anthologies. You are almost always guaranteed a good tale out of it, but there are certainly exceptions. One of the exceptions is the dreadful mess that is FREAKSHOW.
FREAKSHOW begins with a shooting outside of a movie theater. It started out very well and the bodies just piled up, with some crashing through windows. It was a very good start, but then we meet a cut-throat reporter that only cares for her own stardom and she covers the event. After a spat with her crew, she elects to walk and find a phone somewhere so she can call a cab. That’s when she finds a “Freak show,” where she’s invited in and that’s when she witnesses some monstrosities, all with stories. Let the anthology begin.
The first tale takes place in the future (I think) and features a junkie trying to get a fix. He goes to see his dealer but he’s broke and that leads to a scuffle. The death of the dealer is quite amusing. He gets a microwave smashed over his head and somehow it works to the point where it nukes his head and kills him. As the junkie tries to retrieve the drugs, a small dog picks up the bag and runs and it’s now a chase…that goes on far too long. This tale it terrible and really has no ending. It just ends. This was not a good start for this anthology. I rate this tale a 1/10.
The next tale involves a pizza delivery boy going to a “haunted house” to make a delivery. When he gets there, he finds a bunch of hot chicks in nighties and they are all seducing him to some 1980’s style heavy metal music. Well, I am a sucker for 80’s metal, but this tale had me scratching my head. The pizza guy just watches on as the girls dance and a demon hand holds him by the throat, but then he reveals he’s a demon and is now their master. That’s it. The end. Wow, that sucked. I rate this one a 3/10, only because I like 80’s metal.
The next tale surrounds a girl that is getting prepped for an autopsy, but she is still alive. She can see everything around her and can move one of her fingers and blink her eyes, but they are going to take her apart anyway. So, this one doesn’t make a lot of sense and is incredibly short. It is the shortest of the bunch and that may make it the best. I was pretty indifferent on this one. It’s not good, it’s not bad…it’s really nothing. I would rate it a 4/10.
OK, now we have zombies. A man dies at a golf course and his wife goes to the funeral and romances one of the gravediggers and convinces him to start bringing over the dirt from the graveyard and bring it to her country club because the grass will grow better. Yes, that’s the story. He does so and that somehow brings the dead to life and they drive over in golf carts and go swimming. The attempts at humor are lame and unfunny and the zombie makeup looks like shit. This is a terrible tale that I found very annoying. I rate it a 3/10.
What a shitty anthology this is. I haven’t seen one this bad …ever. Avoid this one people. So, let’s do the math: 1+4+3+3 =11/40 = 2.5ish out of 10
Rating: 2.5/10
