By Geno McGahee
Why does the Hulk’s nipples turn green? I know he turns green totally, but I don’t know why his nipples wouldn’t be nipple color. I know…it’s science. Strange that his hair turns green too and that it looks like a bad Dracula Halloween wig, dyed green, but this must be science too and I’m not into science. It probably all makes sense, I’m sure. I guess that’s a discussion for another time but if you know why the Hulk doesn’t have regular colored nipples, feel free to write in.
In THE SNARE, which is a very good episode of THE INCREDIBLE HULK TV series, we have a very cool story with a hunter, Michael (Bradford Dillman), that prefers to hunt men instead of animals. When he meets David Banner (Bill Bixby) at an airport, he strikes up a conversation and they discuss their love of chess. Eventually, they get a game going and it leads to an invite and surprisingly, David accepts. If a dude invites you to an island, there are only two things he has in mind. He’s either going to hunt you or rape you. I can’t believe David rolled the dice like that, but he may have figured that if raped, he would Hulk up, and that Hulk ass would be so strong, it would rip that hunter’s prick clean off. Perhaps the threat was minimal.
Michael looks like Kotter from WELCOME BACK KOTTER. I would hate to be hunted by Kotter. The minute I saw the prick, that fucking song would be stuck in my head. Anyway, the island is nice and they meet up in Michael’s study for some drinking and chess…and whatever else might happen. Hey, there are no free trips. Ass, cash or grass….something like that. As they play chess, David gets groggy and eventually passes out, awakening inside a hole. He had that “I’d rather be in a hole then has this guy in my hole” look on his face. A tape recorder is left behind and the game is on. This is very much like SURVIVING THE GAME. I love that movie.
After several failed attempts, David gets pissed off and turns into the Hulk. It doesn’t take a lot at times to piss him off either. I remember when he had difficulty changing a car tire and he turned into the Hulk and flipped the car over. He totally overreacted. He should have called AAA and had them tow it home, but his temper got the best of him. Here, I can see why he was pissed. He was slipped a roofy and is now being hunted by some dork on a remote island that has all kinds of animals, including tigers, chimps, bears and wolves. This episode made great usage of stock footage.
When Michael sees the Hulk, he gets incredible wood and wants to kill it. David is a bigger prize than he thought he’d be. When the Hulk catches up to him, he grabs this huge root to a tree that looks like it could be a Sasquatch cock. He takes it and the tree falls on Michael. The Hulk walks away but the hunter still wants more. Unfortunately, David is back and is now in need of some clothing and shoes. So, he returns to the house and gets trapped in a room with only one way to escape. Of course, the incredibly smart and resourceful Banner figures it out and gets out.
The chase continues, but the Hulk is still a no-show, which enrages Michael. He decides to whip David to get the Hulk out of him. I always consider whips to be a sexual toy thing. I’ve been a bad boy sort of thing. So, seeing this Kotter guy whip the great David Banner, I felt bad. Even if Banner makes it out of it alive, he has to deal with the visions of being whipped by another dude. Without much surprise, David does Hulk up and Michael (spoiler) accidentally pokes himself with a poison arrow that kills him, and Banner lives happily ever after until the next episode.
THE SNARE is an interesting plot for sure. I think that SURVIVING THE GAME borrowed a lot from this episode and just added more depth to it. Much like other Hulk episodes, I’m sort of baffled as to why the Hulk just won’t fix the problem immediately by killing the bad guy. He knows that this hunter is going to be a pain in the ass for as long as he’s allowed to be, but yet, he lets him live and just runs off after knocking down a tree atop of him. Keep in mind, a tree falling on somebody can kill them. Throwing them fifty feet can kill them. So, the Hulk may have killed people already and just doesn’t know it. Hulk should have taken this hunter and just beat him until he was bloody mush. Spend the last 20 minutes of the episode just having the Hulk rip him apart, while growling profanities. It was on at 9 PM I think. That’s late enough to put in some bad words. The Hulk may not talk, but I think using an occasional profanity is a nice touch to the character.
I highly recommend THE SNARE. It was fast-paced, interesting and it had just enough Hulk to keep the fun factor going.