By Melissa Antoinette Garza
A few weeks ago, while I was in Georgia there was a buy-two-get-one-free horror DVD sale at Movie Stop. My awesomely cool and single brother-n-law Joey bought me a gift card for my birthday so I got to go a little crazy and get a bag full of horror flicks.
I had never heard about this movie before and it seemed to have a simple premise. A killer is running rampant in the streets. He hooks his victims up to elaborate traps and then uses riddles to determine their fate.
The film opens with author and police psychologist Jennifer Peters (Justine Waddell) watching as her brother is trapped within his car as a bomb is set to go off. As she tries to figure out how to save him, the psychopath asks, “what falls but never breaks and what breaks but never falls?” Unable to think of the correct answer, she watches her sibling die in front of her.
College student and protagonist Kevin Parson (Marc Blucas) is soon the target. He receives a phone call while driving from a man who indicated that his car was ready to blow up. The man encouraged him to confess. He pulled the car over and ran out. When nothing occurred, he began to feel foolish and was ready to go back to driving, when he noticed the word “Confess” written in red letters on the side of his car. Just then the automobile blew up.
The next threat he receives is regarding a dog he had when he was a child that though very old is still alive. He wants to protect his pet and returns to his childhood home where he lived with his aunt, uncle and cousin. He is first welcomed by his cousin Bobby (Jeffrey Lee Hollis) who apparently has a mental disability as the capacity of a child. Bobby excitedly holds up a pink Gameboy asking Kevin to check out his new computer.
Though, Bobby is happy to see him, Kevin’s white trash Aunt Balinda (Priscilla Barnes) and his insane Uncle Eugene (Tom Bower) is less than pleased. Balinda calls him every name in the book as Kevin attempts to explain he is only there to save the dog.
This movie reminded me of a combination of Saw (2004) and 88 Minutes (2007). If only this film had Al Pacino in it, it could have been watchable.
Unbeknownst to me when purchasing it, this film was the first theatrical release of FoxFaith, the Christian Friendly division of 20th Century Fox that targets Evangelical Christians. To be honest, even with that knowledge it wouldn’t have made me turn away. Though not religious, I’m not one to shy away from religious films if they’re any good, though I wasn’t aware there was an entire division within Fox devoted to Christian based films, which beckons the question why The Visitation (2006) which had much clearer religious themes than this movie, was released under the general Fox brand.
Overall, Thr3e is a film that lacks originality and is overall pretty pointless. Other than referencing philosophy with a Priest who was a professor, I really didn’t see how this would attract evangelicals other than the fact that it wasn’t rated R. Maybe, it’s for the Christian who wants to watch horror – doesn’t mind the killing, but wants the swearing and nudity 86’d; which in all honesty is fine; to each their own.
Other than 3 or 4 parts that fit into the category of being so badly portrayed that they were humorous, this lacked in every category.
The ending is pretty laughable and absurd, but most certainly not worth seeking the film out to see.
The only other draw is Bill Moseley. It’s been my experience that horror fans are either hot or cold with him. Personally, I think he has the abilities of an actor like Billy Bob Thornton but is constantly being cast as Otis from House of a 1000 Corpses (2003). I don’t think he lacks versatility as an actor but isn’t really given opportunities to explore.
That isn’t to say he hasn’t given outright poor performances. Silent Night Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out (1989) is dreadfully hilarious. In fact, if you’re looking for a “horror” film for Christmas that won’t frighten those in the room who can’t handle truly scary classics like Black Christmas (1974), pick up and throw in SNDN III. It’s amazing in how bad it is and Moseley’s performance has to be at an all-time low, but in this case that’s a very good thing.
Surely choose that performance over this one as sadly all you get here is a censored Otis performance. At least in SNDN III, you have him running around with a plastic screwed on helmet that reveals his brain. Throughout the movie, he just wears a dumb look on his face and goes on a murderous rampage while having a psychic connection with the protagonist. I am almost certain that the Silent Night Deadly Night franchise was not made with Evangelical Christians in mind. That said, they’re AWESOME.
Now I just want to watch a killer Santa Claus.
Scared Stiff Rating: 3/10
